Jon Roy, a keen fisherman, had been fishing on Loch Ness when he caught what he thought was a huge salmon or pike.

“I couldn’t believe it” said Roy, “I thought my number was up! It just kept pulling and pulling!”

Roy somehow managed to land the monster and bundle it into the back of his Transit van, which he drove straight back to his Manchester home.

Scientists are eagerly waiting for the proof to be shown at a conference tomorrow in Stockport town hall, though a compelling photo can be seen of the beast, below. DNA tests are to follow.

“There is no doubt this is Nessie” said Roy, earlier today. “Now these nay sayers will have their final evidence.”

Roy, 31, owns a souvenir shop in south Manchester that sells scottish gifts and trinkets.

It’s scratch proof! Well buggar me….

Even elderly people have taken to stumbling around their rooms waving wii controllers around like crazed lunatics.

When the mood takes you and you start prancing round the room lets say…bowling - have you considered perhaps leaving the room, going outside, and actually going bowling? For fucks sake.

This wii thing is everywhere. And it must stop.

This is a big step backwards in video gaming. The games people are playing on this newfangled excuse for a video console are unadvanced, unexciting and uninspiring.

“But we will get some exercise this way” I hear you say.

Really?

If you want some exercise go and run round a field, climb a mountain, or run a marathon. And throw the wii out the window on your way.